A High-Level Summary of the Book by Stone, Patton and Heen. Office of In most difficult conversations, there are different perceptions of the same reality. A Difficult Conversation Is Anything. You Find It Hard to Talk About. Sexuality, race, gender, politics, and religion come quickly to mind as difficult topics to. Slappy said: Difficult Conversations is a how-to self-help book on negotiating conflict in emo Douglas Stone,. Bruce Patton.,. Sheila Heen A “difficult conversation,” according to Stone et al, is “anything you find it hard to talk about”.

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Published April 1st by Penguin Books first published April 1st If Henry can’t live with the possibility of losing his job, then his best choice is probably to work the weekend.

Beginning the conversation from the conversattions story”–not your story, not theirs, but the POV that might be taken by a mediator or reporter was the next key point.

Just to soak it all up and not lose out on the useful stuff due to boredom. What’s a difficult conversation? And if you want to behave rationally, you’ve gotta manage your emotions first.

Jun 24, Sean Goh rated it really liked it. However, especially in the male-dominated upper echelons of Corporate North America, it is important that we women know how to set those pstton aside and be equal powers at the discussion table.

Does that seem accurate to you? So by that logic, reading this book will make you more money in your career: Do not cross-examine the other. Convwrsations your boss starts telling you to read this book, read it critically–otherwise you might just feel sorry for the suckers who are trying to exploit you.

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone

If anger is what’s getting in the way of a productive exchange, then you’ve gotta deal with anger and the brew of other emotions which are almost always simmering underneath it. Then try it out at work. Henry’s a valuable employee. Difficu,t you to blame?


The authors identify common errors that people make in these sorts of conversations. Less rigid converstions are not as easily threatened because they have more give.

Contributing to a situation does not imply being blameworthy for that situation; leaving your car unlocked contributes to its being stolen, but certainly does not make you to blame for the theft.

Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen | : Books

This is easier said that done. Second, remind yourself that the other party has limitations too. Based on fifteen years of research at the Harvard Negotiation Project, Difficult Conversations walks you through a step-by-step proven approach to having your toughest conversations with less stress and more success. The first mistakes that people make as they consider what happened is that they assume they are looking at a factual matter, and they assume that their view of the matter is right.

Including your relationship with yourself. Any that you really don’t want to have. Based on fifteen years of research at the Harvard Negotiation Project, Difficult Conversations walks you throug Whether you’re dealing with concersations under performing employee, djfficult with your spouse about money or child-rearing, negotiating with a difficult client, or simply saying “no,” or “I’m sorry,” or “I love you,” we attempt or avoid difficult conversation every day.

May 24, Erik Nygren rated it liked atone.

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

Everything resonates, and how we behave is presented as how we ALL behave, which was kind of eye-opening for me. Parties should convey the full range and complexity of their feelings, and they should avoid rushing to evaluate the feelings expressed.


A big-picture look converdations all kinds of difficult conversations, it shares a template for preparing for, reframing, thinking clearly about, and having difficult conversations. Adaptive thinking comes from adopting an “And Stance” toward heen complex elements of one’s identity, and rejecting all-or-nothing thinking.

Break down your thoughts and the conversation into Solid advice, illustrated with copious examples, on how heeen tackle emotionally-charged conversations in the workplace, romantic life, and family life.

As you reflect on the intentions you ascribe to others, can you see a touch of self-justification in your judgment? Paraphrase what you’re hearing from them, to make sure you’ve got it right.

The light-a-fire-in-your-belly discu Compared to the other ‘be-vulnerable-and-have-the-courage-to-talk-about-hard-shit’ books I’ve recently read this one seemed too business-y and dry, the process it outlines too prescribed. Differences in personality or role assumptions can contribute to creating a situation. Don’t assume that because the other person now understands that you meant well, the impact of your act no longer matters.

As I’ve said, the pay is better, and I don’t feel confident enough about working conditions here for me to stay on. There is always more to learn. Be the first to ask a question about Difficult Conversations.

Each needs to think about what they will do if they can’t arrive at a solution together. Lots of interesting scenarios. Read at the insistence of my wife. In my opinion, this is a must-read for everyone. Another mistake is to assume that once we explain that our intentions were benign, sstone other party has no reason to feel hurt.